Healing

 Lord. make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

 Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith;

 Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness. joy.

After passing the one year mark of living without Tyke, I realized that I looked to this date as some kind of destination.  If I can just get through this year... The reality is I can't believe I survived one year without my husband, but living is what we all have to keep doing.  It was not a date that I wanted to commemorate.  My kids wanted to be with me, and we all feel better together. That was how we honored their Dad, their Grandpa, my love, all together.

"Life goes on and you will have a deeper capacity 

to love and empathize in the coming year."

-Alexandra Stoddard, On healing

My sons took care of some things that were actually things that Tyke would have sought their help for.  A dead branch hanging  over the backyard, too high to reach with a ladder.  My industrious son Jonathan, made a grappling hook with some paracord and a clamp.  It was hilarious watching his patience with Penny, who giving him repeated advice from the sidelines.  We imagined Tyke, doing the same thing. We all cheered when Jon was successful.  I told him that his Dad  would have sworn repeatedly.  Jon said, "Oh, I was swearing, just like Dad, only to myself." (Two things, first, Jon has been preparing his whole life for this opportunity.  He had a "Batarang" he made for himself when he was very young. It was a plastic wrench, with a length of macrame cord attached to it. Second, we talk about Tyke swearing.  He was a very kind gentleman,  and would not swear in polite company. When he was passionate or was frustrated about something, well, his vocabulary got colorful!)   Doug sawed up the branch, and took care of the mess.  Then Jon and Mike took our old TV out of the family room, (My babygrand Stevie "tuned" the old set out of existence) and Mike installed a far lighter, but immensely smaller TV in it's place. Tyke would have scoffed at it's petite screen, but it is not the main screen in our home, just for my news and Hallmark watching.

The babies were overjoyed to see everyone.  I had company each day of the weekend, and cards, texts , calls and gifts from my dearest friends and family. Kristen, Charlotte and my SIL Mindy posted on facebook in memory of Tyke.  I find it very hard to find the words that can possibly express how I feel.  Tyke will never be forgotten, will never not be a part of our lives.  I want to celebrate his beautiful life on his birthday each year and honor him by continuing to support the causes that have been important to us.  The Paper Source had a card at Halloween that had a drawing of two skeletons that said, " Till death do us part is for quitters."  It's how I feel. 

"Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, some where very near, Just around the corner. All is well.

-Henry Scott Holland

   

My heart, my family.

Each and everyone precious.

I love them more with each passing day.

Thinking of George Floyd's family who loved him as well.

Praying for peace, understanding, love and a better more 

inclusive world for our children and grandchildren.

"What wound did ever heal but by degrees?"

-William Shakespeare

Thank you for caring and your support though out this last year.

Find something beautiful in today.

Love, Penny